Family - India's Greatest Strength

The Indian Family and its ways of working have always intrigued many people foriegn to the culture. Americans are no exception to this. We have been asked many a question about the family and our life styles. We learnt some amazing things about our own family system and its importance while answering some of the questions and in our long discussions with a lot of people who wanted to understand the system.

They are amazed at the fact that we live with our parents and ask us immediately if we felt the need for privacy between the husband and wife. We tell them that while parents live with us, they dont really intrude upon our privacy, that we have our own private rooms where we can be intimate, but expression of intimacy publicly will not be tolerated and is considered disrespectful. Then we go on to tell them that we have been brought up in environments where publicly expressing intimacy is considered inappropriate and the social consequences of such matters would be serious. They simply nod their head and say "Wow!"

When we explained to them how the grandchildren are cared for by the grandparents, while the parents are away at work, and how the culture and value systems are introduced to them through story telling, they were literally wide eyed and open mouthed. We shared this at lunch during our visit to Glendale Community College. There were two Native American students, who were from the Native American Union and they told us that during the winter season, the grandfather in the family had to tell children stories about their culture and tradition and about their Gods and ceremonies etc., and we all realized how similar we were in terms of how cultures are handed over to generations.

We were also questioned about education and the way parents are involved in educating the child. While we were at Mojave (shall be pronounced as MO as in "MOLECULE" HA as in "HALL" and VE as "Way") Community College, the question of teacher's attention to students in larger classes came up. They were curious to know how large class sizes are handled in India. We explained to them how involved parents become in the child's education and how they design processes for the child to learn at home and aid such learning by getting them access to information. The usual response that we have got is, "I wish that we had such parents here". See my post on recession for more information on this issue. I guess I have written out a paragraph or two on this scenario.

We were asked questions about conflicts between family members and the dilemmas that men and women face. When we clarified that all such conflicts existed in our country, they were like, "See! The problems are the same!!" One of our hosts had asked "Do conflicts occur between the daughter in law and the mother in law?" and when we agreed, they had asked "How do you resolve the conflict?" then we said, by dialogue and through a bit of understanding. Sushma, then volunteered to say "First, we make the mother in law feel she is the boss of the house and there is no threat to her respect. Then, we talk over things, however unreasonable the conflict might seem." Namratha then said "From a very young age, girls are prepared by the women folk at home for some of these things. The girl is told what she might undergo and might also experience a few conflicts in person, which gives a first hand experience." Dr. Upendra added, "With the exposure that a girl gets through her education and with her importance as a earning person of the family, she can usually get along in a while. But the process is slow and sometimes many people in the family are stressed, but the goal is to remain united." When we told them that families that split tend to be either viewed with sympathy or would be looked down upon socially, and therefore most families would not like to split because of this pressure, they were again "Wow!"

We visited Sun Health Research Institute, which was famous for having the world's largest brain bank and is known for developing the world's fastest autopsy process. The doctors there have told us that Parkinson's disease and Alzheimer's disease would get delayed by active social involvement of older people. For those who are not aware, both the diseases are caused by old age and SHRI specializes in both. More about Sun City and SHRI in another post. It would be an interesting reading. When we asked whether engaging kids and telling them stories would help old people, they were not very clear as no research was done in isolating those social activities that help reduce disease incidence. But, they were sure that some activity to engage the brain is absolutely helpful in postponing the incidence of both diseases. We shared this with our hosts and when we said "Thank God! Our parents are safe as they are engaged actively in raising our kids and being socially active!!", they were happy. They said "Its such a relief to know that some diseases can be warded off with simple social systems!! We could avoid paying so much of money to the doctors and hospitals and so much of tension and pressure can be avoided too!!" Friends is this not a great lesson to learn!

The greatest learning we have ever had from these interactions is that our family system is the best in the world and if we expect sustainable socio economic progress, we must pass on the value of the family to our youngsters. Though there are a few things that we might have to change, we must not let go of our families and break up into nuclear families. As much as possible we must make sure that our families stay united, share resources and make life more meaningful and less miserable for all of us.

Let us spread this message across the globe and make it into one large family. Lets make the ideal of "Vasudhaika Kutumbam" a possibility.